I just read a story that gave me pause, made me think about the history and current moment of patriarchy, and inspired me to give thanks to my husband.

I thanked him for not being a sports fanatic who’d rather spend time with his bros watching football than with me.

I thanked him for not expecting me to cook or clean or do any of the duties our society has deemed “women’s work.” Instead we share these duties and he often does more than me.

I thanked him for not supporting men like Bret Kavanaugh and Donald Trump.

I thanked him for not pressuring me to do anything in any realms of our relationship that I don’t want to do.

I thanked him for not expecting thanks for these basic personality traits that make him who he is.

I’m grateful that I didn’t marry until I knew myself well. And though my dad wouldn’t have ever used the word “patriarchal” to describe anything, it simply was not a word in his vocabulary, I’m grateful he was a man who didn’t expect his daughter to follow traditional roles. Who, when I said, I’m not sure I want children, said, Don’t have them if you don’t want them and don’t have them for us. It’s your life to live. And when the time came to decide to leave my hometown, he said, in so many words, Live your life. Enjoy yourself.

I’m grateful to have only tangential experiences with bullshit men and that my primary experiences have been with men who support, who care, who know I’m equal and treat me so.